Fuck this.

For a while now, I have sucked at blogging. I'd use my hectic family life as an excuse but honestly when I do get spare time to blog, I don't. I triple check my emails, I do laundry (something I weirdly enjoy), I binge on American Horror Story, I play Plants vs. Zombies.

Basically, I do anything but blog.

I've spent weeks trying to figure out why I'm in this rut and how I get out of it. Am I as bored of my design as I am of my partner spending 30+ minutes on the toilet the minute he steps through the door each night? Possibly. So I updated it, but I still didn't write. Am I too busy? My toddler goes to nursery a couple of mornings a week and my newborn is fairly easygoing so there are times I could sit down for half an hour and write.

But I don't.

Am I at a loss for what to write about? Not really. I have lists of posts and reviews backed up that I've been trying to wade through for weeks. I have photographs shot and ready to go, videos waiting to be scrambled together.

But I still don't write.

I've started ignoring the schedule I've stuck to for months, I rarely promote and I post on social media whenever the fuck I feel like it (ie. rarely).

And then I realised, I've done it again.

I've forgotten why I started this blog in the first place.

To log the development and growth of my babies, for somewhere to share the memories, not only for myself as they fast-track to adulthood but for them to look back on as they grow.

I wanted to monetise, I still do and I have to a level, but I'm battling that voice inside of me who wants control and perfection of my blog. I almost never take on sponsored posts because generally, the offers I receive, suck, and aren't really worth the buck of having a generic article with low-quality photos dragging the place down.

I realised that my blog is a haven; something that after a bad day I can turn to and release the tension and when that's gone I'm at a loss.

I can't compete with the beautiful white living spaces, the trendy backdrops or the carefully constructed flatlays. I can't end the imitation of the posts I worked hard on and pushed every ounce of creativity I have into.

But I can stop to breathe and remember that this blog is MINE and I can post whenever and whatever I choose. So I'll take a step back and re-evaluate — no more rushing a post, any post, to fill a quota. No more pitching or trawling my analytics praying my pageviews haven't dropped in my short absence.

I'll start again.

Oh shit, I've written another blog like no-one's watching post.

But fuck it, this one's for me.

Did you know I'm a graphic designer too? If you're looking for help to brand your business or make your blog beautiful, check out my portfolio!