I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it's been 6 months since I last messaged you.
I'm sorry I missed the hen do's and the housewarmings and the birthday parties.
Here's the thing. I know, I know, you're sick of hearing it.

But I have kids now.

I have actual human lives that are dependent on me, little people who, without realising, mean so much more to me than I ever thought possible. A baby that can't be more than 2 metres away from me without descending into a quivering mess and a toddler who grabs my hand when I put him to bed and says 'Mummy stay'.

So I do.

I am sorry yet I'm not, because whilst my babies are young, I will happily fail at everything else to ensure I am there to comfort them and provide warmth, to cry along with them when they can't be soothed, to hold little hands and smother them with kisses. I want to remember every sleepy stretch of each finger and toe, witness their excitement in every achievement they make and be there through every night they wake up scared & confused.

And that means I might not reply to your WhatsApp message. Maybe ever. (You can always try again, I'm sure I'll get there eventually). I might not make your hen do abroad. I might not even make coffee next week.

And I totally get why you can't understand it. I was a different person entirely before I had children. And one day, you'll be a completely different person too.

And when/if the day comes you decide to start your own family, they'll consume your life too and I want you to enjoy every single second, good or bad, because becoming a parent is an experience unlike any other.

So for now, maybe we've drifted apart.
But maybe on that day, we'll drift back together. And we can have an even better friendship than we had before.

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