It's Going To Be A Long Night—A Mummy Dialogue

It's Going To Be A Long Night—A Mummy Dialogue - Funny parent blogger humour

There comes a point in a toddlers life where they actually start to sleep, all the way through the night, and it's pure bliss! Suddenly, the washing-up is done, those 10 backed-up episodes of Keeping up with the Kardashians have been watched and there's even time to get down and dirty with your other half—by mopping behind the sofa! Yet, occasionally, the waking will rear it's ugly head and your 8 hours of sleep will be replaced by multiple kicks in the head and a butt in the face aka the toddler..


*Other half and I are in bed reading, decide it's time for lights out*
*Turns lights off*
*Hear almost silent wailing coming from across the hallway; not sure if child or someone breaking in - wonder if I locked front door. Grab heaviest hard back from side table and go and check. Return to bed.*


*Having just fallen into a comfortable deep sleep, hear unmistakeable sound of small child making dinosaur noises and laughing at an invisible (I hope) entity*
*Ignore dinosaur noises and snoring Daddy and go back to sleep*


*Nudged awake by grumpy Daddy*

Daddy: He's crying. *Head drops to pillow. Snoring continues*

*Ignore urge to hold Daddy's nostrils closed until he splutters awake and check on crying toddler*

Me: What's wrong? Are you ok?
Toddler: No!

*Toddler pushes hand away, grabs dinosaur, snuggles up and appears to return to sleep*
*Return to bed. 'Accidentally' kick Daddy's leg whilst getting comfortable.*


*Nudged awake by grumpy Daddy*

Daddy: He's crying. *Returns to slumber*

*Drag self out of warm cocoon and check on toddler*

Me: Are you ok?
Toddler: Dina-saur, rawrrrr.
Me: Do you want to come into Mummy and Daddy's bed?
Toddler: No!! *Rolls away and snuggles into duvet*


*Nudged awake by grumpy Daddy*

Daddy: He's crying. *Resumes snoring*

*Resist urge to pull covers completely off as I get up to check toddler for the umpteenth time*

Me: What's wrong? Are you sure you don't want to come in with Mummy and Daddy?
Toddler: Nopeee! *laughs*

*Bring toddler into our bed to avoid constant back and forth and picture a perfect world where toddler snuggles up in his allocated space and drifts quickly off to sleep*


Daddy: *snores*

Toddler: Eyes. *pokes me in the eye*
Toddler: Nose. *sticks his finger up my nostril*
Toddler: Mouth! *shoves snotty finger into my mouth*


*Nudged awake by grumpy Daddy*

Daddy: I can't sleep, toddler's kicking me in the back. Can you put him in his own bed?

*Eyes widen*
*Resist urge to wake toddler to tell him to play the eye, nose, mouth game with Daddy*
*Pick up toddler and attempt mission impossible*
*Toddler screams a 7 on the richter scale as I try to return him to bed*
*Bring him back to our bed and once again attempt an elusive few hours of sleep*


*Toddler sleepily lifts head and bashes me in the cheekbone. Promptly returns to sleep.*

Daddy: Ssshh, I'm trying to sleep.


*Toddler snoozes like an angel with idyllic, relaxed expression on his face.*

Daddy: *Yawn* Cute, isn't he? Not a bad night's sleep, was it?

Well, I spent the majority of the night with a tiny foot wiggling in my face and a dinosaur's tail digging into my armpit on the edge of the divan with the bottom half of my body threatening to plunge to the floor at any given second.

But as long as you had a good night's sleep..

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