Is it really already time?
On Christmas Day, 2013, the day I became a parent, someone somewhere hit the fast forward button on my life and today I desperately needed to pause. It's been the biggest whirlwind, the most spectacular adventure, a blur of nappy changing, bodily fluids, first laughs, first steps, utter chaos, so much mess, stress, anxiety and above all else, the most overwhelming feelings of gratitude and love. I vaguely remember this sensation I would regularly feel before children entered the equation, something that allowed me time to sit, to breathe and to think, and to detest all of the above, a little something called boredom, something I haven't felt in a very long time. There are moments I long to feel it again, to recharge my batteries, to drink a warm cup of tea and to remember how it felt to have nothing on my mind.
Today we discovered which school Archie will be attending come September, as if the present no person could possibly better could already be so close to that stage in his early life. But here we are, and he is so ready and I am so not entirely ready to be the parent to a school-aged child. There are parts of the first three months of parenthood that I can barely recall, through sleep deprivation and being cocooned in the newborn bubble, yet the feelings can be conjured as if it were yesterday; how desperate I was for each day to hold more hours, simply so I could stare at the creation we had made, take in every single feature, from his button nose to his tiny feet, and memorise everything about him before time took hold.
There's no longer a cot, a bottle, a dummy, a comforter; there's a little boy, full of confidence, of an eagerness to learn, of a desire to show the world he can do it, and as each day passes, he needs me a little less, and it's miraculous that it all happens in 4.5 short years.
And as I sit here and realise that time is so freakin' precious when you have children, I know that the warm teas and the thinking can wait, because future silence will mean that my boy's are growing up and as beautiful as that is, I'm going to soak up every single second they are fully home, needing my full attention and driving me utterly crazy (in the nicest way possible), now someone pass me a tissue.. or the box.