How to Spot a Mum: 6 Foolproof Signs
There are a number of ways you can spot a Mum - odd shoes, check, mascara on one eye (as in eyeball, due to jumping & shoving wand in pupil because her young decided to poke a finger in her ear), check, screaming child hanging from arm demanding another bag of chocolate buttons, check. The easiest way you can spot one of these creatures is by studying the way they look. Still unsure if you've had any luck? Here are the top 6 signs you know you've spotted a Mum in the wild.
The Mum generally has bags under her eyes due to an extreme lack of sleep along with bruised cheeks where her young has sleepily head-bashed her during the night after she's reluctantly given into co-sleeping; Severe scratching on neck due to devil baby talons; Hair that can hide a multitude of sins (such as lego, child's leftover dinner etc).
Usually grey (due to washing whites with colours whilst half-asleep) and always mismatched, giant wet patches on bra due to leaky nipples (of which are the size of small dinner plates); Knickers so big they could provide shelter for a small country.
Covered in stains caused by baby vomit and smeared banana; usually homes the odd hole that's carefully hidden by well-positioned cardigan (that also has sick-up shoulder stains); Stretchy, unfitted sleeves thanks to endless washes trying to remove said banana and vomit (and the occasional poo) stain.
Always long to ensure hairy gorilla legs are covered (haven't been shaved since early pregnancy); Jeans that don't fit (maternity or pre-baby) due to post-pregnancy body that's morphed into an odd cupcake-shaped body size unknown to man.
Generally anything that can be slipped-on, usually Primani specials; Soles so worn in that they're hanging out due to hundreds of miles of walking trying to get
satan baby to take a nap (that will undoubtedly only last 20 minutes); .
Biggest bag you've ever seen that appears to have embodied Mary Poppins and holds everything a baby could ever possibly need, except that dummy the Mum is desperately digging for when said baby starts screaming in public due to being poked in the face by young sibling; Holding bottle of clear liquid that must surely be
So, now that you're well informed, do you think you could spot a Mum? What other Mummy-watching tips do you have?