How Not To Do Your First Awards Ceremony! #mummyproblems
This past weekend happened to be BritMums Live, a blogging conference aimed mostly at parent bloggers. I never intended to go this year; as an amateur blogger, I didn't feel I was quite ready for something so huge but then I managed to make the final 5 of the 'Fresh Voice' Brilliance in Blogging award (part of BritMums Live) and was invited to the ceremony so I thought 'why the hell not?'.
So, here's my first-hand experience of attending an awards ceremony, and most notably, probably how not to do it in future..
I've somehow managed to make myself presentable whilst keeping one eye on a
monkey toddler who thinks running around a room with a blanket on his head is a fantastic pastime. Given up on curling hair as hair has taken decision out of my hands and thinks going straight/droopy is the best look to accompany my already awful 5 inch roots. Hand child over to Grandparents whilst trying to ignore the vision that pops into my head of a toothless child smothered in chocolate. Decide now is the right time to have a spat with partner over who broke the umbrella (it wasn't me) and finally leave 35 minutes later than originally planned.
Hit traffic in London after 60 miles of throwing obscenities at middle-lane drivers. Make silent pact to be a more organised human being in future (aka. my mother) as starving and wish I was stuffing my face with fruit pastilles and cans of coke. Receive video message via WhatsApp of child licking plate of chips and beans whilst jabbing a severely abused sausage with a fork. Express hatred of London traffic several times before finally arriving at what appears to be the largest maze known to humankind (aka. our car park).
Inform partner that there's no need to note location as have amazing sense of direction and will easily find way back to car. Whisper together about odd things one only sees in London, such as an extremely tame pigeon sunbathing with a gang of hipsters and a pug wearing sunglasses. Ask Mr. Google how to get to the tube station and discover the 5 minute route is closed and the only diversion is a 20 minute walk. Find restaurant, inhale food, text fellow blogger expressing horrific fear and anxiety of entering venue alone, have nervous wee (x5) and return to car to change.
Find car after searching all 3 floors of motor maze (oops), get changed and start walking towards the tube station. Finally arrive and realise that 2 tube stops we passed on the way could've taken us to the same destination and the 5 minute route Mr. Google had deemed as closed was in fact open and thriving.
Finally arrive, manage to control extreme urge to vomit and meet Katy of Carry On Katy. Exhale in relief at being able to gatecrash lovely bloggers of Mum For Fun, Snowing Indoors & Maybush Studio's table for the event. Receive picture via WhatsApp of child holding giant ice lolly whilst dangling from dining room table with one arm. Quickly accept empty glass offered by waitress that appears to be magically topped up with wine any time I look away.
Hear "And the winner of the fresh voice award is.." and accidentally snort alcohol through nose resulting in minor choking incident, "The Ordinary Lovely" (Congratulations!). Feel a little gutted so decide the only remedy is to top-up wine.
Exclaim undying love for lovely lady bloggers, pilfer leftover bottles of wine and stumble through maze of chatty bloggers. Find partner in posh hotel next door, holding glass of over-priced cider and watching Netflix with legs resting on opposite (extortionately-priced looking) chair. Leave to relieved glances of hotel staff, manage to navigate back and catch the correct tube and indulge in small argument due to
drunken rowdiness partner being annoying.
Finish evening in style by stomping through shopping centre demanding to know where toilets are and informing staff I've decided to dock the next boat and move to Neverland. And all before 9pm. Oh dear.
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