Five Little Things | 01
Though I do update quite regularly with posts about what we've all been up to, days out, pregnancy etc. sometimes I feel as if I just need to use my blog as somewhere to empty my head and share my thoughts, using blogging as a sort of therapy. So, I've decided to start writing my five little things - 5 thoughts and/or feelings I've been having lately and why & how I plan on resolving them. It's really just somewhere I can Dear Diary everything out of my head as a means of processing it.
I've been feeling a bit out of sorts recently, probably for the past week or so and I think it's an overload of emotions and worries and it's been affecting me quite a bit. I've had this horribly exhausting, flu-like illness for a week now, which as well as being almost 36 weeks pregnant, is completely draining me. I've been needing a short nap during the day as I can't keep my eyes open, but I tend to wake up feeling groggy and even worse than before. I'm sleeping better at night than I did with A, but I tend to fall asleep around 9:30pm, wake at 2am for 30 minutes before falling back to sleep, then waking at 5am. I've woken at 5am for the past week or so now and it seems to have become a bit of a habit.
Every emotion I have is heightened (I'm guessing that's the hormones); the smallest thing could turn me into a blubbering mess, and the health visitor messed us about a couple of days ago and I was left with this seething anger! Not only do I feel these strong emotions/mood swings, but they seem to affect me for alot longer than they probably should, which is irritating - I can't seem to shake things off the way I normally would.
As I'm now approaching full-term pregnancy, I've been thinking alot about labour and birth (especially as I'm convinced this little one will be arriving early). Throughout pregnancy, I've considered a home birth but thought there's no way I can do that, yet in the past week or so, suddenly my mind has done a 180 and I'm strongly considering it. I've spoken to so many lovely people who have had their own and not one of them has regretted the decision (even when needing to be transferred to the hospital for various reasons). Another reason is that I'm anxious about being too far from Archie; this way I know he will either be in bed, or a few doors down at my parents and that thought immediately comforts me; he's become quite clingy recently (I'm sure he knows baby's arrival is imminent) and in turn I've become even more attached to him.
During this pregnancy, although I'm much bigger than the last, I've felt quite confident I can work until almost the end, but now that the exhaustion is really kicking in (though I'm hoping that's mostly the illness), I'm starting to wonder how far I can really go. Alongside that, I'm wondering how on earth I'm going to keep a very active toddler entertained whilst I'm hugely pregnant and on maternity. Though he'll still be in nursery, he only attends 1.5 days a week, and I'm already struggling with what to do with him on my days off work at the moment!
I realise most of these thoughts so far appear like a negative brain-dump, but I just wanted to get everything out in the hopes of making some final decisions! I actually don't feel too bad (when I'm not bogged down with illness), and I am very excited to be on the last stretch of our journey. I can't wait to welcome our baby, for Archie to meet his new sibling and at the thought of being able to cocoon myself at home and possibly have the birth I would've wanted before, but it still feels like we have a way to go before those things are achieved.