Dear BBC.. Let us wee in peace

From Kaye of Hello Archie

Dear BBC,

Just a quick question.. what the eff are you thinking? It has come to my attention that you're seriously considering shutting down CBeebies and frankly, us parents of babies, boddlers and toddlers are completely bewildered at your decision.

Tears have been shed and petitions have been signed; Will Justin be spotted wandering absent-mindedly around the job centre mumbling about green monsters and spotty bags? Will Mr Bloom end up in psychiatric care after realising that veggies don't actually burst into song and no one really cares how many things a potato can make? Also, who exactly is going to send me Archie off into a peaceful slumber with story time now? And how will we ever find out what the crack is behind In The Night Garden?

Here are just a few simple reasons you really can't axe CBeebies..

1. Parents need to wee too. And drink tea. And exhale. And, *sshhh* sometimes we even do a number 2. How will we number 2 when there's no Bella of The Tweenies being a right obnoxious cow? Without the Octonauts cracking an elaborate plan to save the endangered madeupatron species? HOW WILL WE NUMBER 2 WITHOUT THE GANG OF SHOW ME, SHOW ME SHOWING STUFF?

2. What will we Google and speculate about during naptime? 'Is Andy from CBeebies related to Fatima Whitbread?' (No) 'Are Topsy & Tim related in real life?' (No) 'Is Flop Bing's Dad?' (I still don't know this one)

3. What will really early mornings now consist of? Educational games? Parent and child bonding? At least we still have Netflix.

4. Wussywat the... cat? Ruff Ruff, Tweet and... Dave? Where will I gain inspiration of names for my upcoming children? Just kidding. But seriously, will I ever laugh at things being ridiculously named again? Well, I suppose we'll still have celebrities.

So, what I'm really trying to say is that us parents are a lovely lot, and if you don't want us to stampede your studios with pitchforks and coffee's (it was a long night), please reconsider, and in the words of Makka Pakka —

Makka Pakka,
Appa yakka,
Ikka akka, ooo.

Hum dum,
Agga pang,
let us have a poo.

Dear BBC, it has come to my attention that you're considering shutting down CBeebies, wtf are you thinking?

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