5 Disgusting Things That Only Parents Do
There are some things you never have to consider before you have babies, such as cleaning a nuclear-force poo off of another human's back with only 6 wipes to hand (is it just me who only seems to have the dregs of the packet when an explosion occurs?) and accepting that urine is a part of your daily life. Here are some truly disgusting things I've found myself doing since becoming a parent (and I'm hoping that other parents do too!).
Praise someone so highly for passing wind
It's no secret in our household that I despise farting (not ideal when I'm surrounded by boys), so I never thought I could be so undeniably ecstatic when a little person lets out an awesome bottom burp (or top burp). When Archie lets one go, you'd think he'd won a nobel prize from the way Mummy reacts.
Pick another persons nose and enjoy it
Babies get a surprising amount of bogies considering the size of their nose, so what do you do when you spot one just peeking out, clinging on for dear life? Discard of it hygienically using a neatly-folded tissue or sneak up on your child and deftly hook your nail under that juicy booger? Victory!
Let someone puke in your hands
Often, friends with kids have told me that they prefer cleaning up poop to sick. What? Surely something that comes from their mouth is preferable to cleaning up bottom goo? Of course, now I understand. Once your baby starts drinking cow's milk and eating solids, sick smells awful. Oh, he's heaving, where's a muslin? A bib? I've just put this vest on him! There's no time. Yes, A has vomited into my hands on more than one unorganised occasion.
Become so well-acquainted with someone else's bottom
There are some things you tend not to think about BB (before babies), and being in close proximity to someone's buttocks is one of them. I never thought I'd be anything less than disgusted at the mere thought of wiping every last speck of faeces from another persons private area and delicately applying cream in every nook & cranny! And how sand can go from a fully-clothed toddler's hands to completely covering his ding-a-ling, I'll never know.
Have a serious discussion about human faeces.
Quite often, my poor innocent colleagues have found themselves helplessly listening to a conversation about the in's and out's of Archie's poo. Our studio is a pretty relaxed work space so occasionally when Mr J is home with little A, they'll facetime me to let me know how they're doing. On more than one occasion, a colleague has overheard the "He's had two massive poo's today, you can tell he had sweetcorn and peas yesterday" talk coming from Mr J. I never imagined I would openly discuss someone else's poo in so much detail, without so much as a chuckle.