12 Signs That You Are Living With a Boddler
There comes a strange sort of age after the first year of life when your child is no longer a baby, but isn't really a toddler either, and becomes what I like to call the boddler. You'll recognise the boddler by the high-pitched wail they make when you attempt to gouge their jaws open to remove the dirty tissue they've decided to eat, but you'll laugh it off because, well, they're still just a baby really, aren't they, and it really is quite humorous when they stamp those tiny feet that they've only just figured out how to use properly. Here's some pretty clear-cut signs that you are now housing a
mini monster boddler..
1. Your nose isn't the only one you pick.
Never have you felt such a sense of achievement as when you manage to sneak that huge bogey out from under your boddler's nose!
2. You negotiate with terrorists.
Has the president ever had to deal with a boddler? "No, you're not taking that. That's dirty, give it here. Ok fine, you can have it!"
3. Your house is full of toys that don't get played with.
Your toothbrush has been replaced with a set of plastic keys and your new rug might as well be constructed out of mega bloks.
4. You have to eat healthily because you know you're going to have to share.
McDonalds, crisps, chocolate? Now it's fruit, veggies and sweet potato fries that will be swiftly nabbed from your dinner plate instead.
5. Your house is full to the brim with things to keep your boddler entertained
yet they constantly intrude on the 3 inchs of space you keep for yourself.
6. You hum the theme tune to Mr Tumble so much,
that your work colleagues are trying to spotify the 'odd tune that's somehow stuck in their head'.
7. You find yourself staring at a blank screen after putting your boddler to bed,
only to realise that cBeebies has finished and it'll be 'back tomorrow at 6am'. Great.
8. A trip to the toilet results in a ten minute battle with the stair gate.
9. You're sat watching TV with your partner in the evening,
and neither one of you bats an eyelid or breaks conversation when a toy goes off from inside the storage chest.
10. You can recite the whole of 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' from memory,
along with 'Each Peach Pear Plum' and 'Guess How Much I Love You'.
11. At some point, there has been human faeces on your rug/cushions/clothes/friends.
12. You have a multitude of leak-proof cups scattered around the house,
none of which you can find when you need them and all of which leak.
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